Don’t make promises you can’t keep

It’s so easy to make promises when we’re talking to youth.It’s understandable too, because we want to reassure them, comfort them, tell them everything will work out. And so we make promises….

Of course I’ll be there next year.

I won’t ever let you down.

I’m not going anywhere.

It will all be okay.

God will answer this prayer, you’ll see.

But we should never make promises that are outside our control to keep. We don’t know if we’ll be there next year. We don’t know if we won’t ever fail someone. We don’t know if God has plans for us to leave. And we certainly don’t know what the future will bring for someone and if God will answer a certain prayer or not.

We should not make promises to young people we can’t keep. It’s phony, it’s too easy and it’s possibly damaging for their self worth and their faith. Because what will happen if we do leave? If God does call us to a different place? If the change in their lives they’ve been praying for so hard doesn’t happen?

We shouldn't make promises to youth we can't keep. We should share God's promises instead, as He's the only One who will keep His promises.

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What are your actions really saying to your students?

There certain messages we want students to hear.

You’re important to God and to me.

You’re never too young to serve God.

You don’t need to do anything to please God, He loves you as you are.

It’s okay to mess up, Gods forgives and so do we.

You can undoubtedly add a whole bunch of items to this list. It’s what we want our students to know, to feel, to live…and so we tell them these truths in sermons and small group studies and personal conversations.

But do our actions support these messages? What are your actions really saying to your students?

Actions speak far louder than words. What messages do your actions really give to your students?

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Addressing risky behavior in your youth ministry team

It’s not just our students who demonstrate risky behavior. We see it with the volunteers and leaders in our youth ministries as well sometimes.

They’ll post a pic on Facebook that goes a little too far, send a tweet that’s a little too flirty, spend a little too much time with a particularly attractive student or drink a little bit to much at a social gathering. Risky behavior. What do you do as a youth leader if you witness this in your youth ministry team?

If you are anything like me, addressing these kind of issues with your team members doesn’t come easy. There are many reasons we tell ourselves to not talk about it, to try and ignore it, or to wait.

It’s not so bad, I’m just being over sensitive.

She would never do anything really wrong, she’s just being playful.

It’s just a small error in judgment, that’s all.

It would be really awkward if I had to tell him to stop doing this.

He’s the pastor’s son, I can’t call him on this.

She’s going through a rough time, I need to cut her some slack.

He’s a godly man, I’m sure God will convince him if he’s doing anything wrong.

It would communicate real distrust if I would bring this up.

And the list goes on…sounds familiar? It is really tough to address risky behavior we witness in our team, but it’s a necessity nonetheless. Sure, if it’s really a one-time slip, you can let it go. We all make mistakes and there should be room for failure. But is it really a one-time deal? Or is there a pattern forming?

It's not easy to address risky behavior we witness in our youth ministry team, but when we don't speak up it could have major consequences.

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How to create support for your ideas and plans

You can have the best ideas ever and create strategic plans for your youth ministry ‘till you’re blue in the face, but unless others will support you, you’ll never get anywhere. It’s very important to have vision, but it’s equally important to have people support your vision. So how do you do that? How do you create support for your ideas and plans? It’s all about the three R’s:

Research

Reputation

Relations

Research your plans

The first thing that’s important is that your plans for your youth ministry are well researched and well developed. You need to know what you’re talking about and be able to back it up with numbers, statistics and facts. Many plans are grand in scope, but very sketchy on the details and no one will support those. People need to see your vision is  grounded in reality.

If you have a plan for instance to reach unchurched youth by opening a youth café, support it with a realistic budget, solid prognoses for attendees, requirements for the room/building needed, etc. The more detailed your plan, the easier people will support you.

How do you get people to support your ideas and plans and basically cheer you on? It's all about the three R's: research, reputation and relations.

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Book Review: Teaching through the art of storytelling

The key message of Teaching Through the Art of Storytelling: Creating Fictional Stories that Illuminate the Message of Jesus is simple: storytelling is the most effective way of communicating Biblical truths to youth. Author Jon Huckins makes this point by first showing that not only did Jesus do much of His teaching through storytelling, but that the Bible in itself shows a grand story. A story the author missed at first, despite growing up in church.

He saw the Bible primarily as a road-map, a user’s manual for the Christian faith. Only in his late teens and twenties did he discover all the stories in the Bible were connected. An experience that’s eerily familiar I must admit and one that has led me to stress the importance of painting the bigger picture whenever I teach.

Huckins shares some interesting details about how teaching was done in the times of Jesus, explaining the importance of Jewish agada, or fictional stories rabbis used to illustrate a spiritual point. He then places Jesus in this tradition, but stresses how odd His choice of disciples were, for they were not the excellent students most rabbis would have picked.

And the author is right of course, about Jesus often using stories to make a point. But he also shows something that often stays hidden: Jesus often didn’t explain his stories. There are few of His parables explained in the Bible, most of them have a message that the hearers, and now we as readers, have to distill ourselves. It’s not all cookie cut, clear and obvious. There’s a lot of room for conversation, discussion and interpretation.

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The two things every new youth pastor should do (besides pray)

If you are a new youth pastor or if you are an experienced youth pastor starting new somewhere, the first weeks and months can be overwhelming. Or maybe I should say: they will be overwhelming. You will find there’s a lot to learn, a lot to process, a lot to remember. New names, new faces, new senior pastor. Not to mention the long, long list of things you’re expected to do.

So where do you start? What’s the single most important thing you should do in those first few weeks and months?

Pray

The single most important thing you should do as a new youth pastor is pray and I don’t mean that as a cliché. You need to stay close to God more than anything and I know from experience that can be a challenge in the whirlwind of starting someplace new. So be sure to make prayer a real priority and embed every single thing you do in prayer.

But except for praying, there are two things you need to do when starting somewhere new as a youth pastor: listen and score some quick wins.

As a youth pastor, you'll be quite the busy little bee those first weeks and months. So where to start?

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How to make a good youth small group study

Making a good youth small group study yourself is time consuming perhaps, but also very rewarding. It gives you more flexibility than bought curricula and you can adapt your study specifically to the needs of your small group. While I don’t believe there’s one right format for good small group studies, I do think there’s a process you can follow to help you create a good study. Here’s what I advice on how to make a good youth small group study:

1. Pray

Everything you do needs to start in prayer, be imbedded in prayer. Without God’s blessing, the best Bible study in the world won’t make a difference for your students. Make it a habit to spend some real time in prayer before writing a small group study, not just a two minute ‘rescue me’ prayer a few hours before small group starts.

2. Pick a topic or a passage

Some prefer to start with a defined theme (‘friendship’ or ‘grace’), some prefer to let a Bible passage be the start. Either route has its advantages and drawbacks, so changing tactics regularly is probably a good idea. Whatever you do, make sure that the Bible is front and center at your small group. If you spend more time doing games or other fun stuff than you do reading and discussing God’s Word, you may need to refocus on the goal of your youth small group.

Making a youth small group study yourself is a rewarding process...(photo: Creative Commons, Marcia Furman)

3. Study the passage(s)

You’ll need to know a bit more about the passage you’ll be discussing. Read it in several translations or interpretations and consult a few commentaries if you have them. For the topical ‘fans’, it’s very important to check if the passages really support your topic and if you’re not taking things out of context or interpreting them the wrong way. That’s where commentaries can be helpful.

4. Define a key message

Just like with making a sermon, you have to define a key message for your small group study. What do you want your students to learn, to remember, to do and/or to feel? Normally, the goal of small groups is discipleship, transformation into the likeness of Jesus. So make sure your key message fits that goal and is practical enough to apply to the student’s daily lives.

5. Come up with good questions

This is one area that really needs your attention. Boring, cliché questions will get you boring, cliché answers. Spending time on coming up with good and surprising questions that will get your small group talking, will really pay off. It’s here that you can show the relevance of the topic or passage for your student’s lives.

6. Formulate an application

You usually want your students to do something with what they have learned, you want them in some way to apply the key message. Make this very practical (remember that students often aren’t capable yet of applying theoretical principles into their lives!) and spend some time thinking of a way to encourage them to apply it. Don’t forget to follow up the next time.

7. Find supportive elements

Youth small group studies that consist of nothing but discussion or answering questions get boring real quick. That’s why it’s important to come up with supportive elements that bring variety and address the different learning styles of your students, yet help communicate your key message.

Think of elements like short games, demonstrations, a quiz, music, videos, a piece of art, a creative assignment like drawing or working with clay, etc. It can be pretty much anything, but the requirement is that they support your key message. Don’t include things just because they’re fun!

8. Create a rhythm

When combining all elements, you have to think about the rhythm of the study as a whole. Here are a few things to consider:

  • Before you start on the study, give your small group at least 15 minutes to catch up and exchange stories. It will prevent them from whispering and talking throughout the study;
  • A good warm up is important, you can’t start digging deep right away. So start with a good icebreaker element that still relates to your key message.
  • Make the questions or teaching slowly increase in depth and intensity so they ease into it;
  • Vary elements of passive listening with interactive elements;
  • Don’t make the passive listening parts too long;
  • Allow for discussions to continue if you see they work well. Be prepared and willing to skip one or two other elements if it’s necessary. Remember that the goal is not to execute the whole study, but to engage students and encourage growth;
  • After a high-energy element like a game, it may take a while to get their attention back so do something to captivate them like watch a video. After that, you can segue into teaching or discussion;
  • Create a winding down element that prevents a good, ‘deep’ atmosphere from being ended abruptly;
  • Don’t schedule prayer at the end, especially if you have a tendency to run late. You’ll be in a hurry and won’t have time to pray in peace. Also, near the end of the small group study, students often get restless;
  • If you want worship to be a part of your small group study, schedule it well. I’ve found that starting with songs often didn’t work well, but that doing worship in the middle worked better because they had slowly been brought into God’s presence.

9. Make a handout (or not)

When you’ve created your study, it’s time to decide if you want to give your students some kind of handout or not. It’s up to you. My advice: don’t do it all the time and don’t make them all the same. If you only do these fill-in-the-blanks kind of handouts for instance, it will get old soon. You could also do a summary of the key message, write down some extra verses to study, give them a suggestion for their own quiet time or list some questions to think about at home. Some students will love this, other won’t, which is why variety is your friend.

How do you go about making good youth small group studies? Do you have any other tips to add?

Taking care of the introverts in your youth ministry

My educated guess is that a lot of youth pastors are extraverts. They’re high-energy people persons who thrive on being in groups and love to be the center of the ‘party’. They’re primarily doers, not thinkers and they get stir-crazy when they’re in meetings too long. Reflection and introspection don’t come natural, they’d rather think out loud and it takes effort to slow down and breathe. Sound familiar?

Yet not all of us are extraverts and definitely not everyone in our team of volunteers or leaders, or even in our youth group or youth small group. But for extraverts it can be a challenge to truly understand introverts because they’re so…different. But if we want to work better together, to understand others better, we need to come to a better understanding of what it means to be introverted. So here’s a quick guide to understanding introverts.

Introverts need time alone to think and recharge...

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How to make a teaching plan for youth ministry

One of the most challenging plans to make for a new season of youth ministry is a teaching plan. Yet it’s also the most rewarding one, both spiritually and in terms of stress reduction. First, let’s have a look at some of the benefits of making a teaching plan. Then we’ll discuss how to actually make one for your youth ministry.

The benefits of a teaching plan

I admit: I’m a planner, so making plans and planning in advance comes natural to me. Yet I’m convinced of the benefits of a teaching plan for every youth ministry. Here’s why:

  • It prevents you from last minute stress, trying to figure out what to teach on
  • It prevents you from teaching the same (familiar) topics each year because you lack inspiration at the moment you need to come up with a topic
  • It ensures more variety, because you can take the time to come up with topics and passages from the entire Bible instead of just the books or passages you’re familiar with
  • It gives more depth to your Bible studies and sermons, as you have more time to prepare
  • It creates clarity for guest speakers because you can ask them to preach on a certain topic or passage in advance, thereby giving them time to prepare properly as well
  • You can let Bible studies, sermons and anything else you teach reinforce each other by painting the bigger picture instead of just picking random topics that students can’t connect within the bigger story of the Bible
  • You can select your topics and passages in such a way as to stress an overall message, theme or the gospel, therefore being way more intentional in your teaching

Making a teaching plan for your youth ministry has several benefits, for instance less stress and more variety in the topics and passages you teach on.

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Why you’re not learning from your mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes. Yeah, I know: big fact cliché. But it’s the truth, isn’t it? Yet not everyone learns from their mistakes and there’s something to consider. Why do some people keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again, even people who are reasonably intelligent?

Here’s why you may not be learning from your mistakes:

You don’t want to learn

Yep, fairly obvious one. But a crucial factor nonetheless. Too easily, we dismiss our mistakes as ‘bad luck’ or something like that. Or we engage in clichés like ‘it could happen to anyone’ and ‘we all make mistakes’. Anything to avoid actually dealing with our own mistakes.

How we attribute our mistakes is important. External attribution, the tendency to always look for a cause outside ourselves or outside our control, makes for lousy learning experiences. Internal attribution, seeking the cause within your own behavior, may lead to feelings of regret, guilt or anger, but is a far more constructive route to personal growth. Do you actually want to learn from your mistakes, even if that means changing your routines, your belief system, your attitudes and habits?

I’m not wired for a lot of change for instance, whereas my husband is far more flexible that way. It takes conscious effort for me to change things in my life, anything really. This has in general a negative effect on my ability to learn from my mistakes. Willingness to learn, to adapt and change is a key ingredient in learning from your mistakes. It’s why I’m forcing myself to embrace change, knowing it’s what I need to grow.

We all make mistakes, but the question is why we're sometimes not learning from our mistakes.

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