Book Review: The Fault in our Stars

February 15, 2013 — 1 Comment

The-Fault-in-Our-Stars-PB[This book is part of our Reviews of the Top 100 in Teen fiction] The Fault in Our Stars by John Green (who has several books in the Top 100) ranks number 4 on the NPR Top 100 of best teen fiction and I can see why. It’s an emotional, heart-breaking tale of two teens battling cancer.

Hazel Grace meets Augustus Waters at a Cancer Kids Support Group. Both are living with cancer, or trying to live as it turns out. And these two fall in love and in doing so, experience life deeper than many adults do. They’re funny in a sarcastic way and their outlook on life rings true, for instance their wry notice of ‘cancer perks’, special stuff they get to do just because they have cancer.

There are many realistic characters in the book, like Augustus’ friend Isaac (also a ‘cancer kid’) and the parents of both main characters. I did not care for the Peter van Houten character, a writer Augustus and Hazel visit in Holland because his book has touched them both deeply. He was over-the-top mean and even though there was an explanation for it and it fit the theme of the book (‘We all want to leave a mark, but the marks humans leave are too often scares’), I felt it was too much.

It all sounds like a really depressing plot for a book and to be honest, I had to sort of motivate myself to read it. But I’m glad I did. Even though cancer is a theme in the book, this book isn’t about cancer. It’s about love and life and dying and it tackles these themes in a touching way.

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Preventing stress in youth ministry

February 14, 2013 — 2 Comments

We’ve been talking about the stress that is youth ministry and why youth ministry may even be extra stressful compared to other jobs. So to summarize: youth ministry is stressful, even more than other jobs. The question that needs an answer is then what we can do about it. Is preventing stress in youth ministry even an option and if so, how do we go about achieving that?

Step 1: Acknowledging stress

Preventing stress in youth ministry isn’t an easy-breezy thing to do. It starts with taking stress seriously and not just saying or thinking that stress is normal or that it’s just part of your job. Yes, a certain amount of stress is normal in youth ministry, but not to the point where it affects your health or makes you consider quitting. So acknowledge what you feel isn’t normal and go from there.

stress

Do you know what’s causing the stress in your life and in your youth ministry?

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The discipleship approach that got Paul Martin fired

February 13, 2013 — 7 Comments

Paul Martin is a youth pastor who has just moved from Birmingham, Alabama to a small town in Nebraska (wow, talk about a change of scenery!) and he has recently published the brilliant book Masterpiece: The Art of Discipling Youth (be sure check out the review of Masterpiece we did). Since I only know Paul from his equally brilliant blog, I thought I’d ask him some questions about his book, discipling, youth ministry and whatnot.

A lot of books are written from what Bill Hybels calls a ‘holy discontent’, was it the same for you?

It’s true in the sense that this was a book I needed to write. I felt crazy for 15 years for how I did discipleship and youth ministry. I worked in several churches but what they said and wanted me to do, was different from what I did.

I was working in this church and at a certain point I was told that I needed to learn to perform. Only six months before I had exceeded all expectations in my review, but now they were unhappy with how I was doing things. There had been budget cuts and I had lost my staff. We didn’t have money anymore, so I started to do discipleship the way Jesus did it. And I ended up getting fired for it.

Still, it was worth it. It was one of those moments where you discover what is really important and God mattered more to me than job security. And in Masterpiece I basically wanted to explain myself, to show what I’ve been doing all these years.

Would you be willing to be fired for your convictions on discipleship? That's what happened to Paul Martin.

Would you be willing to be fired for your convictions on discipleship? That’s what happened to Paul Martin.

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The power of shame: I’m saying ‘me too’

February 11, 2013 — Leave a comment

If you have never heard of Brene Brown, you’re missing out. Brene Brown is ‘Vulnerability TED’ as she says herself, a worldwide ‘celebrity’ after her famous TED talk on vulnerability I blogged about before. It’s a talk that has had a lot of impact on me as well, which was why I was very motivated to watch a new TED talk from Brene Brown, this time on shame.

Now shame and vulnerability aren’t topics that appeal to a lot of us at first glance. But what Brene Brown has to say is important and it has consequences for how we do youth ministry as well.

In youth ministry, I think we’re at a cross point, a point where we have to choose a new direction, a new way of doing things. But deciding on a new way of doing youth ministry involves risk, innovation, change…and none of these happen without vulnerability and every single one will make you face shame.

Shame, that inner voice that tells us we're not good enough, can keep us from doing many good things.

Shame, that inner voice that tells us we’re not good enough, can keep us from doing many good things in youth ministry.

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Book Review: Raising your kids to love the Lord

February 10, 2013 — Leave a comment

raising your kidsDave Stone has written an easy to read, encouraging book for parents on how to raise their kids so that they may come to love the Lord. Filled with practical wisdom and loads of experiences from the author’s own life, Raising Your Kids to Love the Lord inspires parents to be very intentional about influencing their kids in their faith.

Here are a few topics Dave Stone discusses:

  • Being intentional instead of hoping for the best
  • The importance of direct, un-delayed obedience
  • Prayer
  • Using the Bible around and with your kids
  • Modeling Christ
  • The special role of a mom
  • The special role of a dad
  • Finding others to help you carry the load

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Reviews of the top 100 of best teen fiction

February 9, 2013 — 9 Comments

I love reading. I also love recommending books to others. But recommending books to students isn’t always easy, because we don’t want to recommend books that aren’t suitable. That’s why I read a lot of general teen fiction, also known as young adult fiction.

Of course there’s a lof of Christian teen fiction available, but I have to admit that this isn’t always good. Sure, there are some great exceptions but in my ever so humble opinion, no Christian teen fiction has managed to rise yet to the level of say Hunger Games or Harry Potter, at least in terms of intensity. Christian fiction is often quite safe, both in themes, language and storylines.

But I have another reason for (also) recommending general teen fiction to students: it’s often a great discussion starter. If you have a few book worms in your youth group or small group, talking about a book you’ve both read can be an excellent starting point for a good and deep discussion. While Christian teen fiction naturally also shows issues you can talk about, especially for unchurched teens the general fiction is more realistic. I’ve found it a great way to find teens where they are and go from there.

I love recommending great books to students.

I love recommending great books to students.

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Book Review: Masterpiece

February 8, 2013 — 8 Comments

masterpieceYouth pastor Paul Martin has written an exceptional book on discipleship in youth ministry called Masterpiece: The Art of Discipling Youth. It’s not your standard how to guide with a program or a ten-step outline. Instead, Paul offers the values that enable a relationship-oriented approach to discipleship.

Here are the values he discusses:

Process over outcomes

Dynamic over static

Heuristic over Algorithmic

Specific over Vague

Personal over Impersonal

Internal Value over External Value

Implicit over Explicit

When reading Masterpiece, I constantly had this ‘Aha-Erlebnis’ as the Germans call them. It’s reading something that you have felt or experienced, but never put into words. In that sense, this book was a fest of recognition because I saw Paul describing a lot of stuff that I’ve been doing over the years…though never formally linked to discipleship.

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Why youth ministry is (extra) stressful

February 6, 2013 — 4 Comments

In the previous post on The Stress that is Youth Ministry, we saw some shocking statistics about pastors and stress. But let’s face it, even though the scope of responsibility may differ, being a youth pastor isn’t that different from being a pastor. Especially in bigger churches, leading the youth ministry can be a lot like leading a church. Which means that those statistics may very well be or become a reality for youth pastors as well.

For many youth pastors, stress is a reality.

For many youth pastors, stress is a reality.

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The stress that is youth ministry

February 4, 2013 — 14 Comments

Youth ministry seems to be synonymous with stress. Ask a youth pastor how he or she is doing and the most likely answer will be ‘busy’ or ‘very/extremely/absurdly busy’. Or maybe when they feeling like sharing, they’ll even say ‘stressed’. I have met very youth pastors or youth workers lately who weren’t overworked, busy, and/or stressed to the point where it really wasn’t funny anymore.

See if any of the following sounds familiar to you:

You’re working (far) more hours than you should or have to

You’re experiencing constant stress

You often feel tired, exhausted even

You often feel overwhelmed to the point of either panic or the inability to act at all

You’re experiencing spiritual drought

When you don’t work, you still think of your work and everything you should do

You have a hard time taking rest because there’s still so much to do

Your to do list only grows, no matter how many hours you put in

You can see that your family and/or your friends suffer from your absence

There are actions on your to do list that have been there forever

There are things that you really want to do, should do, but just can’t seem to find the time for

You feel guilty for not being able to get your work done

You feel guilty for not spending as much time as you want to with your family

You feel guilty because you’re not spending as much time as you want to with God

You feel guilty because you can’t put the time into certain actions (like sermon prep) that you actually should

You’re having doubts whether you’re actually suited for youth ministry at all

A lot of youth pastors are under (extreme) stress...do you recognize this problem of the stress that is youth ministry?

A lot of youth pastors are under (extreme) stress…do you recognize this problem of the stress that is youth ministry?

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Book Review: The coincidence of Callie and Kayden

February 1, 2013 — Leave a comment

Callie and KaydenThe coincidence of Callie and Kayden (written by Jessica Sorensen) is a young adult novel, but one with very mature content. I read it because it kept popping up on ‘best young adult fiction of 2012’ lists, just like Catching Jordan which I reviewed before. It’s definitely not a Christian book and there are plenty of reasons why you shouldn’t recommend it to your students (which I’ll discuss below), yet it is very compelling.

The Coincidence of Callie & Kayden is the story of two very messed up 18-year olds (Callie and Kayden obviously) and their two equally messed up best friends, Seth and Luke respectively. The book is written in the first person and switches between Callie and Kayden. That takes some getting used to, because you need to keep remembering in whose head you are and sometimes it pulled me out of the story.

Callie is trying to deal with a sexual trauma in her past, just as Kayden is trying to come to terms with an abusive dad. The first felt more real to me than the second, also because the violence against Kayden is quite frankly a bit extreme. For me, toning the level of abuse a bit down would have made it more realistic. Despite that, how Kayden deals with his pain rings true. The same goes for Callie and as their love story develops, you really start rotting for them to get through it and conquer their pain.

There’s a lot of hurt in this book, like abuse, rape, discrimination, anorexia, cutting, and bullying to name the most important issues that come up. It’s a bit too much, yet it’s described very real and intense and so you keep reading to see how they deal with what life has done to them. The ending is very unsatisfying by the way, I didn’t realize it when I started reading that the book will have a sequel which you’ll need to read to get the rest of the story.

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