Archives For Personal growth

Conquering ourselves

May 2, 2013 — 5 Comments

“Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re usually right.”

Henry Ford said those words and I have to agree with them. I am often my own worst enemy in all honesty. My ‘inner dialogue’ is not very helpful a lot of the times as I struggle with low self esteem.

“It’s not the mountains we conquer, but ourselves.”

It’s why Sir Edmund Hillary’s quote rings so true to me. I don’t know if you recognize his name, but he was the first man to climb Mount Everest together with Tenzing Norgay and Hillary climbed many mountains after that. Now I’m not into mountain climbing (I’m Dutch, we don’t even have mountains!), but I think he’s right. No matter how hard the task before us, it’s not the task that we have to conquer, it’s ourselves.

If we keep telling ourselves we can’t do something, that we’re just not good enough, not holy enough, not old enough or wise enough or whatever enough…then we’ll never do it.

In what area do you have to conquer yourself?

Mountains

You can’t do it all. You know that deep down, but still you try. We all do. As youth workers, our to do list is often unending and things we cross off at the top, are being replaced just as quickly at the bottom.

That means we have to make choices in what we do and what we won’t do. We have to set priorities and work according to these. We’ve talked about two ways of defining priorities before: the 80/20 rule and Covey’s time management matrix. But on the Harvard Business Review Blog, I came across another method that you can use to decide how much time to invest in something: the INO system.

The INO System

The INO System means that you ask yourself of each item on your to do list if it’s an Investment, Neutral or Optimize activity:

  • Investment: these are the kind of activities where extra time and effort will pay off exponentially, meaning more than the time and effort you put in. In your youth ministry this will often be strategy related activities, such as developing a clear vision or mission statement. In you personal life, this is about taking the time to fill up your ‘tank’ again and friends or keeping the Sabbath.
  • Neutral: these are activities where more time and effort don’t actually mean extra results. They need to be done adequately, but you don’t need to strive for perfection here. In your youth ministry these may be meetings you have to attend, Powerpoint presentations you have to make for the worship or cleaning up after a youth event. In your personal life this may be washing your car or mowing the lawn.
  • Optimize: these are the activities you need to spend as little time on as possible, because they’re not adding any value. Not only that, but spending more time on these means you spend less time on more important activities. Think about youth ministry related tasks like handling your email, doing routine admin, or buying food and drinks for youth events. In your personal life you can think of any kind of errands.
Spending time with your family is a classic example of an Investment Activity: it will exponentially pay off in the future.

Spending time with your family is a classic example of an Investment Activity: it will exponentially pay off in the future.

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Worrying always overwhelms you just when you don’t need it. You want to go to sleep, but worrying keeps you awake. You need to prepare your youth sermon, but worrying keeps distracting you. You want to really ‘be’ in the conversation and listen, but worrying keeps drawing your thoughts elsewhere.

Worries about your youth ministry.

Worries about your financial situation.

Worries about your marriage, your family, your friends.

Worries about students, your small group members.

Worries about the future.

While we all have our worry moments every now and then, there can be times in your life when your worries really seem to take over. If you feel your life is being dominated by worries, here’s what to do.

worry

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We all have those tasks on our to do list that we just can set ourselves to do. Sometimes it’s because we don’t like doing this (for me, making phone calls is a biggie since for some reason I really dislike calling people), sometimes it’s because the task is so big we just don’t know where to start or it may be that we wonder how we’re ever going to finish it.

Whatever the task is that you dread doing, chances are it will results in big time procrastination. So how do you get yourself to do the things you dread, especially if they are bigger tasks that require more time?

The solution is as simple as can be: just start. If you just take that first step, the rest won’t be as hard.

Believe me, I realize how stupid this sounds, but hear me out. In psychology, there’s a phenomenon known as the Zeigarnik effect, named after psychologist Bluma Zeigarnik who first studied it. She noticed that a waiter had better recollections of still unpaid orders and did further research. The Zeigarnik effect states that people remember uncompleted or interrupted tasks better than completed tasks.

It seems that as humans, we are designed for closure, we have a built-in desire to finish what we have started. If we don’t finish a task we’ve started, we experience dissonance and we keep thinking about that task.
someecards.com - I even postpone procrastination.

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20000-days“A hundred years from now, what will you have left behind? What will your legacy be?”

That is the central question in the book 20,000 Days and Counting, subtitled ‘The crash course in mastering your life right now’. It’s aptly titled, for a crash course it is. In 18 short chapters the author, Robert D. Smith (often referred to as ‘TheRobertD’) offers insights, wisdom and advice on how to make each day count. The book was much shorter than I expected, I finished it in less than an hour.

The idea for the book came when Robert Smith realized he’s been alive for nearly 20,000 days and wanted to make each day after count. He decided to investigate how to do that and the result was this book.

On his website there’s a nifty little app that lets you calculate how many days you’ve been alive. For me that’s 14.131 days so I haven’t hit that 20,000 mark yet, but I want to make each remaining day count as well. It’s why I was very interested in reading this book.

There’s practical wisdom in 20,000 Days and Counting, for instance the importance of creating a life statement, to determine your purpose in life, to take responsibility for your life and your problems, the importance of the little steps, dealing with rejection, etc. Many insights may seem like clichés, but if we’d applied them more we really would live life differently.

Not all of what he offered appealed to me. He quotes a prayer for instant that he prays daily, which was taken from the famous The Power of Positive Thinking by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale:

I believe I am always divinely guided.

I believe I will always take the right turn in the road.

And I believe God will always make a way where there is no way.

To be honest, that is not my kind of prayer. Where as the scientific proof for the power of positive thinking is real, I like my prayers to be a little more personal, vulnerable and real. The first and third statement are absolutely true, but I don’t need to ‘pray’ these since God knows they are true anyways. The second one I do have a problem with, because of course I make mistakes, every single day. And I have taken wrong turns, only to be able to get back on the right road by the grace of God.

Overall, even though I liked the book and there was practical advice in it that helped me determine some practical actions, I was a bit disappointed by it. I’d read raving reviews (for instance from Michael Hyatt) and I had expected more, especially from a Christian point of view.

The book isn’t un-Christian (though this of course is very subjective), but it’s more of a positive-thinking-Christianity. I would think that the Bible has way more to say about making each day count, discovering your purpose, and living life to the fullest than what is written here. It seems to be the perfect book for those who believe in a problem-free, successful Christian life, but less so for those who want to take up their cross and follow Jesus, even amidst suffering.

I won’t go as far as to say this book preaches a prosperity gospel, but it comes awfully close if you ask me. My ‘test’ for that is to always wonder if the message applies to Christians who are persecuted for their faith as well. In this case, I wonder if Christians in the labor camps in North Korea would embrace the idea of ‘always making the right turn in the road’ and what their ‘purpose of life’ would look like…

So I’m not saying that you shouldn’t read this book, there really is valuable advice in there. I definitely learned a couple of things that I will apply to my life. But be warned that the Christian content may be less or different that what you’d expect or want to see.

Disclaimer: I received this book free as part of the Booksneeze program but was under no obligation to write a positive review.

Mark YaconelliIn a little over a month, I will be heading to England again for the Youthwork Summit, which is taking place in Birmingham this year on May 18th. It will be my third time already and I’m very much looking forward to it. The last two times have been absolutely fabulous, not just in great teaching and worship, but also in meeting and connecting with so many youth workers. So even though I’ve been to a lot of youth ministry conferences, the Youthwork Summit really is special. I mean, I’m making the trip from Germany, so that’s saying enough.

If you’re from Europe and you haven’t registered yet, you really should. It’s a life-changing event, it has been for me at least. The worship with Rend Collective was amazing and I’ve been a fan of them ever since. The TED format with a lot of short talks works very well for me, you get a lot of info that you can later chew on and digest. I’ve listed some blog posts at the bottom of this post that I’ve written about lessons from previous Youth Work Summits, just to give you an idea.

MarkoThe early days have been the best for me I think. The first year Mark Yaconelli blew me away with Ignatius retreat. I truly encountered God there and learned lessons that to this day, I’m still applying. The last time Mark Oestreicher shared his wisdom and I could have listened to him for days more.

This year, I’ve registered for an early day Preaching and Communications Masterclass with Tony Campolo. Can you believe it, Tony Campolo? I can’t wait to learn from him. There are two more options, including one with Colin Piper, which you can check out on the Youthwork Summit website (come on, just go book your ticket already – you know you want to!). Continue Reading…

Being Dutch, I have mixed feelings on the British Royal Navy as it has kicked ‘our’ behind in several wars centuries ago. But there’s no denying the glorious past of the Royal Navy and I love watching TV Series like the brilliant Horatio Hornblower (which are based on the slightly less accessible series of Hornblower books by C.S. Forester).

What’s interesting is that the Royal Navy still can teach us a thing or two on leadership, as I discovered in this fascinating article in the McKinsey Quarterly. Research has shown two important leadership practices that are being used in the Royal Navy that are applicable elsewhere and I’m convinced they hold true for youth ministry as well.

Royal Navy Principle 1: Cheerfulness

The first principle we should apply to our youth ministries is the principle of cheerfulness. The Royal Navy has a deliberate policy of fostering good spirits amongst its personnel, for instance via informal games and contests. Research has shown that cheerfulness improves productivity, because happy people work harder. But how does this apply to youth ministry?

I think setting a positive, cheerful tone for your youth ministry can make all the difference. Nobody wants to be part of a team, an organization or a ministry where people complain all the time, where there is anger and complaining and reproach. Your leaders won’t be happy and neither will your students.

Royal-Navy

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Impersonal communication seems to bring out the worst in people.  I’m sure you know what I mean: those emails you get from church members, parents or others with a tone and message you know they would never use in a personal conversation or on the phone. Not all of them may be labeled hate mail, but I’ve had a few that came pretty close.

What’s important to remember when you receive and read this kind of hate mail, is that there’s always a story behind it. It’s easy to get very angry (been there), to send back an equally angry email (don’t!), to discuss it with others (usually also not a very good idea) or to directly report the offenders to the senior pastor (try to resist that urge).

I came across this picture on Jon Acuff’s site which explains exactly what I’m talking about. People who send angry mails, hate mails aren’t happy people. There is always something wrong in their lives and they’re taking it out on you.

hate-mail1

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Last weekend, I was at the Simply Youth Ministry Conference in Indianapolis for the very first time. That in itself may not be so shocking, but if you consider that I flew in from Germany especially, that’s saying something. It’s quite a lot of money and time to invest in just one conference. But I’ll do you one better: I already registered for next year’s SYMC (which will be in Columbus). That’s how good it was.

There were many things that really made this conference a deep experience for me:

Great variety in tracks and workshops

There were dozens of workshops and tracks to choose from and even though that made it hard at times (so much good stuff, which one to choose?), it also ensured there was something for everyone. The quality was also very high, I’ve done different workshops throughout the conference and with one exception, they were all awesome. I mean, I’ve been in youth ministry a while but I really learned a lot of new things.

The pre-conference workshop Duffy Robbins did on 'Teachings teenagers the Bible' was an example of a brilliant mix of humor, experience and information. I loved it and I learned a lot!

The pre-conference workshop Duffy Robbins did on ‘Teachings teenagers the Bible’ was an example of a brilliant mix of humor, experience and information. I loved it and I learned a lot!

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Rachel portret kleinTomorrow I will be leaving to attend the Simply Youth Ministry Conference in Indianapolis for the very first time. It’s quite a trip from Germany, but  I’m very excited about attending the conference and meeting many people face to face that I only know online so far. I’m also very excited about the sightseeing trip to Chicago that I’ve planned after the conference :)

I’ll be trying to blog from the conference, but I’m really dependent on free wifi here so we’ll have to see how that goes. If you are at SYMC too, come say hi to me. I’ve posted a picture of me so you know what I look like, so if you recognize me, come introduce yourself!

I’ve planned my conference as best as I could with this super scheduling tool, if you want to see which tracks and workshops I’m attending check out my schedule. Hope to see many of you there!