Archives For Personal growth

What’s in a name?

September 25, 2012 — 3 Comments

Names matter. From the Bible we know that a lot of names have special meanings or prophetic consequences. That may not be the case for the students in our youth group (though I certainly believe in the power of either positive or negative nick names!), but their names matter nonetheless. It does something to you when people know your name.

When we lived in the US a while back, we attended a community church for the first time. When we walked in, we were immediately spotted by one of the ushers, a wonderful vibrant woman named Lucy. She talked to us for a bit, was delighted that we were from Europe and explained a little bit about the church. And she asked for our names.

The second time we were there, Lucy saw us come in. From across the room she greeted us with an enthusiastic “Hi Roger, hi Rachel, so glad to see you!” She had remembered our names. It was a small thing, but it meant a lot to us and it was one of the things that made us come back and ultimately commit to that church.

Names matter. When we call someone by their name, it communicates a lot of things. It says I know who you are. It says you are important enough to me to remember your name. It says I see you, I know you are here. It says I remember you, you’ve been here before and I noticed.

As youth leaders we should do everything we can to remember the names of our students. For some of us, that will be more of a challenge than for others, I know that. I can’t complain: I’ve got a really good, almost photographic memory and I’m good with names. But I have to make an effort to remember new names as well. I know there are people who simply state they’re really bad with names and use that as a reason for not even trying anymore. That’s just lazy. You may not have a natural knack for remembering names, but you can sure try , right?

If you have a bigger youth group, remembering all the names can take some effort. But names matter and you should really try.

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There’s an old adagio for writers, a golden rule if you wish. It’s this:

Show, don’t tell.

It’s about the difference between telling a reader what he should know, conclude, feel and showing him the situation, allowing for room for his or her own interpretation and emotions.

As a writer (while my main activity is non-fiction writing, I’m very much in love with fiction writing as well), this rule is very familiar to me. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy to execute.

You see, telling is a lot faster than showing. Instead of finding the exact right words to picture someone being disappointed, I just write: He was disappointed.

Telling is more controllable than showing. Instead of hoping that the reader concludes for himself that the main character made a bad decision, I simply say: That was the biggest mistake he’d ever made.

Telling is more comfortable than showing. If I can just tell a character experiences pain, I don’t have to try and imagine what feeling pain looks like, feels like, shows up like.

And you know what, it’s exactly the same in youth ministry.

We can tell teens what the Gospel means, or we can show them.

We can tell them we love them and value them, or we can show them.

We can tell them what they should do, or we could show them what a disciple of Jesus looks like.

We can tell them what they should think, or we can show them what a transformed mind thinks like.

Showing is messy however. Showing costs time and energy. Showing has no clear, controlled outcome, not defined process, no one-surefire-way to success. Showing requires trust, patience and the art of letting go. Showing is a lot harder than telling.

But it’s so worth it. If we want true change, real discipleship, radical transformation, showing is the only way…

Are you showing your students God’s love or are you merely telling it?

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With the start of a new youth ministry season, now is the perfect time to put some energy into creating a weekly schedule that works for you. It’ll help you set priorities, find time for God, your family and yourself and it will help prevent stress and burnout.

Think about last season, how did your weekly schedule work for you? Did you accomplish what you wanted to? Did you indeed have the time for the things that had priority? Was there enough personal time, time with your family, time to rest?

If not, now is the time to make some changes. Here’s how to go about making a weekly schedule that works for you, your situation and your (youth) ministry:

Make a list of your most important roles

Mind you, I didn’t say tasks or activities. I’m talking about roles here, like parent, spouse, youth pastor, small group leader, etc, which is something else entirely. We’ve discussed this in more detail in a previous post. Just write down the most important ones you have.

A realistic weekly schedule will help you find time for God, your family and yourself, including time to rest and relax… (photo: Julio Leandro Irusta)

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Do you like who you are? Are you the spouse, the parent, the youth leader you want to be?

Like the start of a new year, the beginning of a new season of youth ministry is a natural moment for reflection and change. It’s good to have moments like this to honestly look at ourselves and ask ourselves if we like what we see, if we are the person we want to be.

If not, it’s time to make some changes. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that people don’t change, that you’re too old to change or that you don’t have the time for it. Those are just lame excuses for not wanting to do the hard work of looking deep inside yourself and deal with your shortcomings. You can change and you know it. You just need to act.

So how do you change who you are? What is the road to become the person you want to be?

It’s not a process you can walk through in a couple of hours, it needs time and hours of thinking, reflecting, discussing and above all prayer. Growth never comes instantly. But you can start now.

If you want to become a better friend for instance, you’ll need to define actions that will help you realize that and then execute them.

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I got a request recently about sharing my favorite blogs. I’m always a little hesitant to do this actually, because people who aren’t on the list will easily feel rejected or hurt. Still, I also think there’s something to say for honesty about personal preferences. So I’ll be sharing my blog list with you in the hopes that you’ll see it for what it is: just one person’s opinion. Here we go.

What are your favorite youth ministry blogs? Please share your tips in the comments!

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As youth leaders, we are called to serve primarily, not to lead. Though I wasn’t wild about Leonard Sweet’s book I am a follower, I did agree with him that the Bible says a whole lot more about following and serving than it does about leading. Being a leader means serving and as youth leaders, we should serve our pastors above all.

I know that there are lots of youth leaders and youth pastors who have an issue with their pastor. It saddens me to see ‘disagreement with pastor’ pop up as a search term for finding my site so regularly. And I’m not saying youth leaders are always at fault here, nor are the pastors. It’s just a sad reality that youth leaders and pastors don’t always work well together for whatever reason.

I also happen to be convinced that as youth leaders, we need to do whatever we can to prevent conflict. The primary way we can do that is by making every effort to serve our pastor and to serve him (or her) well. Here’s a few ways in which you as youth leader can serve your pastor in a way that prevents conflicts and issues from popping up:

Are you actively, purposefully serving your pastor?

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This season is almost at an end and that makes it a natural time to look back and reflect on another season of youth ministry. It’s great to think about what went right.

What were big successes this season? Where did you grow as a person, as a child of God and as a youth leader?

It’s not nearly as much fun to think about what went wrong. Our own mistakes can make us insecure, even up to the point where we want to quit. Discouragement is very common at the end of the season. But nevertheless, it’s a good practice to reflect on our mistakes and failures as well. If we don’t analyze what went wrong, we’ll keep making the same mistakes over and over again!

What do you wish you’d done differently this season in your youth ministry? Where did you fall short, what mistakes did you make, what do you really need to change in the upcoming season?

I’d love to hear your reflections and stories!

At the end of the season, it’s good to look back and see where we bore fruit…and where we didn’t.

We’re finding inspiration for blog posts in interesting search terms people have used to find this blog. It strikes me how many times you feel a story behind a search term, a deep underlying emotion. Today’s topic is another example of this: my youth ministry isn’t growing.

My youth ministry isn’t growing. If someone would tell me that, my first response would be: how does that make you feel? Because I feel a world of emotions behind this simple search term.

Disappointment, because God isn’t blessing the youth ministry the way you had hoped.

Anger, because you’ve given it your all and it just isn’t enough.

Frustration, because you’re doing the best you can under almost impossible situations and nobody is helping you.

Self-doubt, because you’ve tried everything you can think of and nothing seems to work…so maybe it’s you.

Fear, because this lack of success might just cost you your job.

These emotions are all understandable and completely valid. Let’s face it: none of us go into youth ministry because we want things to stay the same. We want to change the world, make a difference and above all, we want growth. It’s only natural and logical and spiritual for youth ministries to grow…right?

We all want our youth ministry to grow. But when growth doesn’t happen, it doesn’t mean we’re necessarily to blame…

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How to motivate youth

July 18, 2012 — 2 Comments

This is another search term that I see popping up regularly: how to motivate youth. I’m picturing a very frustrated youth leader here, struggling with unmotivated young people in his or her small group or youth group. They don’t want to listen, they don’t want to answer question, they don’t want to pay attention or help out. What do you do when your students are completely unmotivated?

I have one advice for you: raise the bar. It may seem very counter intuitive, but in order to motivate young people, you have to raise the bar.

Young people nowadays live in a world of contradictions. They’re often overprotected by their parents and quite often spoiled. They live in a youth culture where having fun and doing it your way has been raised to an art. Nobody expects much of them in terms of making a difference. Except in school that is (and sometimes in sports if they’re good at that), where they are expected to excel so they can go to college. If their parents can still afford it that is, and with little chance of a meaningful job when they graduate.

Young people nowadays lack purpose, a meaning for their life. And you can bet that deep down inside, they’re looking for one. Adolescence may be a lot longer than it was a 100 years ago, but the questions that need answers are still the same: Who am I? What makes me unique? Where do I belong?

Young people are searching for a purpose in life. If you want to motivate them, help them find one.

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In the last couple of posts, we’ve been looking at some interesting search terms people used to find my blog. Today we’ll be discussing this one: Why do you want to be a youth leader?

I don’t know why people are searching on this term. Maybe they are a youth leader and now doubt if they made the right choice, if this is what they’re supposed to do. Maybe they’re thinking about becoming a youth leader and aren’t sure about their motivation. Or maybe they’re looking for deeper, spiritual truths about being a youth leader…is it just something you do or do you need a God-given calling of some sort?

Why do you (or did you) want to be a youth leader? What would you say to someone who’s asking this question?

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